Dear God,
Our publisher instructed us to make this deeply personal,
so I thought I’d go straight to the source. Yes, I know we haven’t been
talking much lately. As well you know why! You can’t not be here,
but still, I feel like I’ve been put on ‘Hold’. You’ve left me in some
awful spots…though I know many others have walked here too. So, I’ll tell
you about what I’ve learned, and why I miss Your Voice when things are
like this. Can we talk? Ok, just listen then…
A very wise teacher said that unless we come to you with
our hearts as open as children, we won’t get very far. Looking at this
old world, I can see that’s all too true. It’s been said you work in Mysterious
Ways, yet there have always been those with less than or limited ‘Holistic
Intent’ who’ve come along claiming they had the market cornered in all
Understanding! Sadly, and too often, they were believed – not getting ‘the
message’, but merely what suited them personally. I always considered the
greatest gifts to be in learning more, to embrace Perpetual Awe, and to
never, never be complacent. You taught me that there’s a difference between
being childish and childlike; if we don’t have peace here, then
I guess we haven’t figured it out yet. Because no matter how we choose
to interpret things, hubris notwithstanding, we are indeed children…
There have been countless people who’ve claimed to have
had some one-to-one with you, most, humble folk with open hearts… I do
believe it. They all heard you speaking to their souls in the language
they might understand best, as we all inhabit our own ’universe’ while
here. You made this so… but we still don’t grasp that! T’was a gift, but
made into a burden here when they were either labeled as mad (or worse)…
or it was they who were blatantly worshipped (You did warn us about that!).
Somehow, in my short lifetime, through hearing, seeing, and sensing, you
taught me to appreciate ALL wisdom, no matter the avenue - and to never
give up my own power. I have been greatly gladdened to find much of both,
as well as to see how others live their own, in different circumstances,
and cultures, in different times… What a magnificent tapestry! Everyone
holds but a piece of the endless thread, wee as we are. Do we really need
to understand more than this?
Many here have tried to divvy up The Self as body, mind,
heart or soul (neglecting one or the other), or definitive Black and White,
Good and Bad, though you taught me that all is one entity, like Water is
Air, Sand was once Rock, like earth is to roots as roots are to leaves;
One in the tree. Many of us have tried to explain why pain, suffering,
and death exist – some saying that you can’t possibly care when there’s
been so much of it, or that you were punishing us for some flaw. I came
to learn, as you taught me, that the deepest truths come with Time and
Looking, if not a brand of trust, and that what we choose to ignore causes
only grief here – if not for us, then those around us. We’re surrounded
by this infinitely intricate and exquisite natural world, one pearl in
The Cosmos, are part of it; we see birth, growth, and death around us in
each moment, yet have ever tried to shirk the ‘Occupational Hazards’ of
being Human. We forget that Life here is short. And many a dying person,
granted reprieve, has tried to pass that on to loved ones once away from
their deathbeds. Nor did they fear death any longer. It’s been said we
must be “born again”. I think the teacher tried to impart that there are
legion opportunities to fall, and to rise again, and I’ve learned that
they do exist, starting within each day!
Onward throughout our history and anon, it seems we’ve
all too gladly ‘forfeited’ our place in Nature, meaning to rise above it
with a vengeance. While many have engaged in cerebral endeavours and scholarly
debates, or then, solely embraced Science at whatever new stage it was
in, others, through that same time, continued to delve into and study the
many aspects of what we call - in the tiniest nutshell - ‘The Mystical’.
Most often, each has in fact traditionally seen the others as foolish,
irreverent (of logic or spirit), and otherwise pathetically limited
in perspective. But perhaps we’re finally, slowly, getting it together.
More than I have seen that we’re each and all simply examining but one
facet at a time - in time - of an incomprehensibly complex diamond, which
of course we will never witness the whole of! If I know the properties
of the reflection of light upon water, or the distance of a particular
star from the earth, or the composition of the ore that yields rare gems,
it’s not that which makes my heart smile when they sparkle… Truly, I know
so very little! But I do understand that dancing light is you - the source
and the outcome.
Many… oh so many, have asked, pleaded, dared you to simply
show yourself – to make yourself ‘plain’(!) – whether it was out of arrogance,
ignorance, doubt, or desperation. And yes, I’ve been in some of those numbers
at different stages, when my pain was too great. It can get pretty personal…yet
it’s only a longing for but an increment of your vastness that we are part
of. That makes me smile as well, even as I puzzle over these things when
I visit Despair. Because there is no place that you are not! How could
it be otherwise? Funny how we ask for and expect “Miracles” while we do
not see the infinite scope of dazzling wonders all around us in this world
each day, and within us – our immense imaginations, our yearning
and ability to love deeply, our stalwart perseverance… our baby-steps forward,
through Darkness and Light. We pray for long lives, fearing death,
when we do not know what to do with ourselves on a rainy afternoon! Most
of us have frittered away countless opportunities to appreciate the staggering
wealth that our own short history encompasses through gifts as simple and
complex as Music, Art, Writing - Creating - or simply living! - all trying
to explore, express, and reach something within, something inside our fellow
travellers, something that might perhaps touch and honour you…in all aspects
of your being.
Yet here is one of your most excruciating paradoxes when
we lose The Big Picture – or have yet to see it; many good hearts have
lost their way on this short path we call Life, through no fault - and
many self-centered and narrow-minded fools have caused untold agony, the
repercussions reaching through generations. Yet many, many more have been
able to steadfastly carry on the distilled legacies of Wisdom, Wonder,
and Love, knowing the source personally and intimately, counting on it,
sharing it, and using it in daily battles and challenges. For what purpose
all these things, I cannot assign, though there be there reasons for everything
I’ve been told – some of which I have indeed been blessed to realize! So…
I must trust in the rest. For I too, am a child…
What comes afterwards? I do not know, though I can say
I have no fear. Seems I never have. But it also seems I have forgotten
so much in this life lately, even after all I’ve seen. And I’m afraid that
is why I haven’t spoken to you in a while, but out of anger. Children are
like that…
Please forgive me. I miss you. And when I see me as you
see me, all will be well again…
Kyrie Eleison.
~”Why is it that when
you talk to God, you’re praying… But if God talks to you – you’re nuts?”
~ Monica (from “Touched by an Angel”)
"As modern science discovers the profound interactions
between creative intelligence and all levels of reality, [a] simplistic
image of the universe becomes increasingly untenable. The probability that
human consciousness and our infinitely complex universe could have come
into existence through the random interactions of inert matter has aptly
been compared to that of a tornado blowing through a junkyard and accidentally
assembling a 747 jet."
~ Stanislav Grof, M.D., The Holotropic Mind (printed in
Wholelife Magazine - January/February 2001)
