Aspects of Being

Gabrielle Perreault

I do not know what is inside me that makes me think, that seeks resolution, even while knowing that answers are merely a next step in understanding, and never final in and of themselves. In my life I have stood 'outside' of many things. I found that the longer I looked, the more the answers became clear. I do not know why it is my lot to have been on the outside, or if it was I who indeed chose it when I came to be in this life. I have lost little indeed... and gained so much! 

Questions have been my constant companions since I can remember. Clearly, what I've seen around me since my early days instilled in me a hunger for a Compassionate Knowing. I have learned to define it not in terms of Good and Evil, but in terms of what truly serves us best, as individuals, as families, as cultures, as a race, as lovers and inhabitants of a richly blessed Living Earth. 

I have stood outside of the institution of marriage for some years now, and I've watched and seen how others perform their roles. Not to negate them in the least, but mine was simply another path, and is worth no less than those of others. I have stood outside of the Almighty Workforce during times in my life and seen how easily mindlessly driven and narrow-minded we can become in attaining our goals. I have stood outside of the Economy in these times and noticed that the 'long-term' is more often than not sacrificed to immediate perceived needs, even in times of 'Plenty'. I have stood outside of anger (for I chose to ) and witnessed the far-reaching devastation that it caused, left unchecked, unacknowledged, unaddressed. I have seen how the sins of the father have been visited upon the children, and I could not stand in that place, accepting this legacy. I have sought to understand the source so that I could battle it on a different front. I also came to learn when I must leave certain things behind me for a time and undertake my own personal journey for the better, perhaps in seeking and finding others such as myself. In the midst of feeling trapped within my own circumstances, I have wandered and wondered, looked and asked, within and without, why am I here? What must I learn? 

I have looked at what others call Truth, whether it was packaged and 'enforced' in the form of religion, or culture, and often found it sorely lacking in compassion, wisdom, and insight. I have looked at "Evil" and seen it to be fear that remained unaddressed, manifesting itself in a will to power that is fleeting at best and devastating to those who do not possess it. And I have found that fear is indeed the root of it all - A not wanting to understand. 

It shows its true nature in the form of complacency, bigotry, sexism, ignorance, self-righteousness, narrow vision, hatred, force, and is often passed on from generation to generation. It manifests itself in the seemingly benign seeking of 'security' in many aspects of our living, when Life is but a journey of gambling intertwined with trust through which we can inevitably learn what we TRULY need to know. That we are one. That we are more the same than different. That each person walks within their own skin, integrating what is around them, but to different degrees. When one ceases to look, that is when one suffers death over and again - for it shuns the Light and Life that is abundant all around. There is no honour in this, and the satisfaction is but an illusion. I have also learned to appreciate the subtleties of becoming aware that what causes chaos and turmoil is often a new path opening up, ever inviting us to travel a lesser known road! - one that forces us to seek a deeper level of understanding - and one that has been with us throughout our journey as a race! 

I think - therefore I am Right. No, that's not how it goes, does it? To Be is what we all want! I am not outside of anything after all! I am simply a chronicler of some of our journeys as well as my own. I am not so much hopeful as I am sure, as I do my 'work', as all of us on the 'outside' do, that there have always been those who weave the threads, small as they appear, casting ripples of love, validation, and acknowledgment that can and do lead us forward towards what we truly need. 

Oh endless, wondrous journey! My time here is short! Who am I to say such things? I am but one lowly thread in a tapestry of ten thousand years! Yet I know it will touch another. For I too have been touched. Inevitable and sure as the arrow slung from the Master's Bow.... 

(Thank you Starhawk) 

~ And one of the leaders of the city said, Speak to us of Good and Evil.
And he answered: 
 

Of the good I can speak, but not of the evil. 
For what is evil but good tortured by its own hunger and thirst? 
Verily when good is hungry it seeks food even in dark caves, 
and when thirsty it drinks even of dead waters. 
You are good when you are one with yourself. 
Yet when you are not one with yourself you are not evil. 
For a house divided is not a den of thieves; 
it is only a house divided. 
And a ship without a rudder may wander aimlessly among perilous isles 
yet not sink to the bottom. 
You are good when you strive to give of yourself. 
Yet you are not evil when you seek to gain for yourself.
For when you strive to gain you are but a root that clings to the earth 
and sucks at her breast. 
Surely the fruit cannot say to the root, "Be like me, ripe and full and ever giving of your abundance." 
For to the fruit giving is need, as receiving is to the root. 
You are good when you are fully awake in your speech, 
yet you are not evil when you sleep while your tongue staggers without purpose. 
And even stumbling speech may strengthen a weak tongue. 

~ Kahlil Gibran - "The Prophet" 
(copyright 1923)