So, there you are in church, walking down the sidewalk, sitting peacefully at your desk working, eating at McDonalds or Tavern on the Green with your spouse, teaching a class, changing a tire, mowing your lawn. You look up, and there he or she is, someone who causes every neuron you’ve got to let loose with a wild mating whoop. But, you’re civilized. You don’t begin gyrating madly like loons in the arctic. You don’t rush up and press your throbbing bits against their thighs like baboons are wont to do. You don’t wrestle them to the ground, clothes akimbo, and proceed forthwith to mate like some fraternity dudes reputedly do after one bottle of brewskey too many.
Of course you don’t do that. But, you want to. You know it. What’s more, the object of your lust knows it. Your spouse knows it. Your office mates know it. Hell! We can all smell it.
So, what do you do with this thing, this lust that wrestles with your better judgment?
I say, pet it.
What?
That’s right. If you ignore it, it won’t go away. It wants your attention, and like all internal urges based in our need to survive, it will rage about until it does get your attention. Can you say charging pink elephant?
How easy is it to dodge or deflect a charging elephant?
Now wait, now wait, now wait just one minute. I didn’t say indulge it. I said pet it.
You can’t indulge it. You know and I know there are very few good reasons to fuck everyone who stimulates your neurons and about 342 not to, in any given situation. If you go ahead and indulge your one pink elephant, then the 342 good reasons not to have done so will become elephants themselves. They’ll rage about – that, my friend, is a herd – and they ain’t pink no mo.
It’s just not possible to dodge, deflect, or pet a herd of elephants.
So, the moral is, you need to find a humorous way to acknowledge your one elephant exists, and is in the room. Share a moment of good natured laughter. Compliment the person who makes you want to go feral and rustle about unabashedly in the bushes, then go have sex with the safe person in your life. There, you’ve petted the elephant, so it won’t be tempted to rage about and you have avoided creating a herd that will, as we all know, if created, squish you into unsightly piles of goop forthwith.
c. 2008 TDunyati-Long (TDHawkes)
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